It is June 9th.

June 21 is prom.

June 28 is orientation

I don’t know what to do. I’m simply maintaining my weight, which would be awesome if I was nowhere near 175. I want to be 168 by the end of October and that’s in 10 days… I would do fruit to reach my deadline, but where do I go from there? Fuck this. Why is this so hard?

I binged yesterday while babysitting. Here I am, thinking it’s impossible to binge when I’m eating 1200 calories a day… Too bad they had poptarts and chocolate peanut butter gelato. The scale says I gained 1.4 pounds, which somehow seems a little much.. I don’t even know. I’m pretty good about it when I’m in school, so hopefully this full week will set me back on track. This time, it’s different. I have 10 months, not one month or a matter of weeks. This is a totally reasonable deadline to lose 60-70 pounds. 6 pounds a month would be awesome! If I lost 6 pounds a month between now and next August, I’d be at around 115 pounds. Wow. Then I’d have the entire month of August to lose as much as I could before college, and then boom. I’m in college, in the best shape of my life. 

I have to take this one day at a time. I have to learn to resist temptation, to tell myself when enough is enough, because I know very well what is enough. 

I should start working out too, maybe 4-5 days a week. According to losertown, if I eat 1000 calories a day and workout 3-5 days a week, I could be ONE HUNDRED pounds by the beginning of August. Mind you, losertown is simply a calculator that doesn’t take many factors into consideration, it’s still kinda cool to see that this could be possible for me in a 10 month span.

I’m at 175 now. If I stick to this and I do what I know I’m capable of, I should be 168-169 by October 31st. That gives me 17 days to lose 6-7 pounds. If I do this, if I just eat healthily and resist temptation and fit a little cardio in my schedule, that is totally, 100% possible.

Here’s to 168.

Actually using a fool-proof weight loss method shouldn’t be that scary… but it is to me.

7 pounds a month seems possible yet impossible, considering where I want to be by next August. It’s crazy. 110 pounds? Me? Could I actually do that? I just need to change my ways.

I lost .2 pounds between yesterday and today. Today, I took the approach of eating small, low calorie snacks at different intervals throughout the day. I think I ate under my suggested caloric limit of 1270. I would say I did for sure, but who knows.

I’m excited, but I hate not knowing. I have no patience. 

I need to change my ways, honestly. While yes, I can lose 10 pounds by this time next week, how far is that going to get me? I’m just going to gain another 15. This is what I’ve gotten used to for the past two years, yet I’ve done nothing to change it. I think I believe that I don’t have to make real lifestyle changes in order to lose weight, and I realize now that I do. But it isn’t impossible to lose this weight. If I lose 1.5 pounds a week for the next 10 months or so, I could be at my goal weight by the time I go to college. And you know what? That weight won’t come back on as quickly as I’m used to. Saying you can lose 5 pounds in a month is saying a lot more than if you can lose 5 pounds in 5 days. I don’t want to be unhealthy. I want to be able to go out with friends and not beat myself up over everything I eat, yet continue to eat poorly. 

I’m the highest weight I’ve ever been in my life. I’m 17 years old and I’m borderline obese. This is the greatest time of my life, and I’m so happy. I want the confidence to go along with it. Honestly, my biggest goal right now is to be at my goal weight for college. I’ve been reading reviews for my number one school and there are posts by guys like “there’s about two hot chicks for every guy here” and “all the sexy girls go here” or “I was distracted during my tour by all the hot girls walking around campus”. I’m not going to be that one fat girl that stands apart from the crowd. Honestly, I want to be hot. I want guys to be interested in me and I want to have a kickass time. I don’t my weight to get in the way of my experience in college, and I’m glad that I can realize it now.

I’d like to lose an average of 7 pounds per month, which is less than 2 pounds per week. Losing 7 pounds a month (or around that number) would get me pretty close (or even spot on) to my goal of 105 pounds. It’s going to be hard, but it’s the only right way for me to do it while also lessening the value of food in the binge perspective. 

So here’s the deal: I’m changing my lifestyle. I’d like to work out in the mornings and go for walks in the afternoons after school; little things here and there. I’ll take the diet pills that I bought so I’m not wasting my money, but things are changing from here on out.

Hopefully I’ll be posting at the end of October with some good news!

Thank you all for following me.