I was actually shocked to see that I had lost weight today. I started off yesterday well… for about an hour. Then had coffee. Then had a bite of carrot cake. Then toast with strawberry jam. And as far as binges go, I’m sure you could predict the rest of the story. I just ate like I normally did, except for the fact that I didn’t eat lunch. But I ate dinner at Friendly’s… I really didn’t try to do anything differently yesterday and still lost almost an entire pound. I think that’s a sign that I really could do great things if I just stick to a good diet. So today, I won’t fuck it up. I’ll eat normally.
Today, August 16th, 2012 is the day that things have to change.
I am 175 pounds. One hundred and seventy five pounds. I’ve never seen that number before. The number 173 is the one that changed everything two years ago and allowed me to get down to 144 within a matter of months. This number is going to change more than just my weight. It changes the way I look at myself, the way I respect myself, the way I hold my head up when I know other people are looking. This needs to stop. It has gone way too far. 175? My mother weighs 140. My father weighs somewhere around 160. My sister? Probably around 145. And then there’s me, watching my weight steadily climb while only saying I’ll do something about it.
I have goals. I have goals that I want to reach, I’ve HAD goals I wanted to reach and yet I never seem to get there. Why is that? It’s because I have no endurance. No self control. I need to finish something I’ve started. I need to carry something through to the end because I know that once it’s over, I’ll have something I never knew I could accomplish.
Today I am one hundred and seventy five pounds.
In 20 days, I want to weigh in at one hundred and sixty pounds.
Christmas morning, I want to weigh in at one hundred and thirty five pounds.
On my 18th birthday, I want to weigh in at one hundred and twenty pounds.
This time next year, I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not give a fuck about my weight because I know it’s something I’m proud of.
This month will be near impossible. Going out to dinner, eating work food, and just driving around and becoming hungry are what has made it difficult so far. But in the next 20 days, things need to change. I work two jobs now, but I need to work out every day. I need to be conscious of what I’m eating and do my best to keep my caloric intake at a desirable level. Fruit, fruit, fruit, or water.
Today, things change. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be goddamn well worth it.
I’m not having a repeat of this year, failure after failure. On December 17th, I want to be 135 pounds. Healthily, I can reach that weight on December 26th by losing 2 pounds a week, so that isn’t very far fetched. Can I reach that weight before that date using methods I’ve used in the past? Absolutely. It’s just about maintaining it, which I clearly have a lot of trouble with. 6 months ago, I was 157 pounds and here I am back at 174.